Insights as a mum of unschoolers

Recently I had a conversation with parents of unschooling kids, who where in conflict with their own emotions. These parents where talking about how they wanted to change themselves! Because they where judging their own behavior and feelings. In a way not bad that they wanted to do better, but I think acceptance gives you more stretch and success in your attempts of growing.

...this was my answer and idea about this subject:

I learned; to take what happens around me not so personally!

If my young adult daughter is yelling and calling me names.

I just say: "Sorry, your aggression can’t hurt me and I just love you like you are, even if you yell at me!"

I am not only saying this but also feel this. Why would I be upset about what other people say or think? We all have our weaknesses and bad days.

We are a hot headed family, being bitchy is a part of our existence :).

It never happens that I yell, without being conscious about what I am doing or saying.

But, I dare to use yelling, if I feel that my family after several conflicts still don’t want to get the insight that they drive me crazy with their picking on each other! On that moment, I consciously can use emotions as a tool, to let the people around me, understand what I try to say! You can test this knowledge! A lot of people when they are in their lower energy only understand the language of aggression, sadly. In those cases you can get your power and control back if you talk in their language.

I always studied emotions and feelings (flower coach) and there are no bad feelings!

Its more important to learn to understand yourself, to go in dialog with yourself and to accept how you act in certain situations. Everything is energy and can be available whenever we like. Accepting ourselves is unschooling our hearts, and learns our children that we as parents are human and also need to experience to go forward. There is no perfect world! If we show our children how to accept who we are, in every moment and also make everything possible to talk about, why do we need to be someone else then???

Forcing ourselves in something we aren’t, doesn’t mean being a better “unschooling parent”. Being safe for your children, means that you as a parents are like me, the child: mad if they are hurt, yelling when they are anxious, frustrated when they are stressed!

If you show your children how to deal with emotions, how to handle them, how to react in the moment of the emotion, don’t you think that’s more valuable than forcing yourself to be something you aren't??? Doing better is always a nice goal but even then you could talk with your children how to reach this potential as a family.

As a mum of 2 adolescent unschoolers and a daughter of 6 and grandson of 3 I have now 23 years experience in unschooling. As a therapist I could dive deep in the psychology of unschooling in children and families. I want to share my thoughts and experiences this way and you are always welcome, when you experience problems in unschooling. Make an appointment here!